July 4, 2018
I read a book called "I'd Rather Laugh" by Linda Richmond many years ago and it's about her life and her son who she lost to a car accident when he was a young adult, that is the closest thing I've ever found that explains the pain of this kind of loss. She was able to live her life but when asked when it gets better by so many people she was brutally honest and said it never gets better. You just get comfortable with the pain. You make friends with it and you make it through 24 hours and then another 24 hours and during those hours you laugh and you cry just like a normal person. There are moments when you can't do it and break down and sob like I did yesterday and then you sit there with your hiccups and realize it's going to be okay. Yesterday Taryn didn't want me to cry and so she started playing Fergie's song "Big Girls Don't Cry" in my head. She does that a lot. Sends me a song. The line "Fairy Tales don't always have a happy ending do they?" sticks in my mind. She's right. My connection to her is real and it's there when I stop to listen and feel it. THAT is what I'm grateful for now. And...... I'd rather laugh.
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