Joy and Pain

Last night I had dinner over at my oldest son's house and his son Dean, my grandson, was being so funny we were all laughing and smiling at him.  His personality is coming out more and more and he rolls his eyes at us constantly.  He has funny reactions to things and is so quick witted that I just know he's going to be a handful when he's older.  He figures things out.  He's got this natural ability to be funny and entertain people.  He lights up a room when he goes into one and I just see so much of my dad in him.  My father was funny.  He was always dancing with waitresses and whistling everywhere he went. 

He's also very affectionate and gives hugs and kisses to everyone all the time.  I love how he's like that.  Killian is too.  Jaxx is smiling at you when you smile at him now, he's three months old.  Children are so eager to love.  They are just born with the ability to give of themselves and it amazes me.  I wish adults never lost that ability.  Most of our problems in life come from people who lost their ability to love others or even themselves.  They turn cranky, rude and inconsiderate and seem to live to ruin someone's day.  Every now and then I come across someone like that.  Not all the time but sometimes.  I have to wonder what their life is like.  If they can be short and testy with me, what is their family or home life like?  Is there any joy in their world at all?

Nasty mean people are everywhere it seems.  So are the nice ones and thank goodness the good and happy people outweigh the bad for the most part.  

It was hard for Taryn to be in a good mood because she was always in pain from her tumor surgeries.  Her body never really bounced back from that.  She healed of course but when you have parts of your ribs missing and big scars all the way across your stomach and back it's not much fun most of the time.  I did my best to be patient with her.  Even I didn't understand what she went through.

She told me something on the last trip I went to see her that really opened my eyes to her constant pain.  In an effort to try and not take any pain meds at all while she was pregnant, she and Adrian would do sit ups and he would hold her ankles and she'd do back exercises.  He's a personal trainer so he knew how to help strengthen her back a bit so the pain wasn't as intense.  She told me she'd be crying so hard her nose would run and she'd snort snot out of her nose and when she said that it was as if I pictured her struggle.  My eyes filled with tears and I suddenly knew that I knew nothing of her pain.  I'd never done that.  Never.  Not even when I was in labor and having a painful birth.  I never cried so hard that the snot would snort out my nose.  

I felt so sorry.  I wanted to help her but she was helping me.  She was the teacher so much of the time.  What she endured and went through was so amazing to me.  She wasn't an opiate addict although doctors put those pills in her hands every surgery she had.  She'd carefully dole them out and wait until she couldn't stand the pain any longer before she'd take one.  I had no idea she was doing that.  All I saw was the sour moods and the impatient sighs.

She had this childlike love and excitement for things, just like a little kid.  The patience of Job.  She and Dean, Killian and Jaxx have a lot in common.  Her love for things was pure and sweet just like I see in my grandsons.  Even through the pain she felt, her joy at the simple things was there, always.  I admire that.