Courage

I know what you would think of all that is going on in the world right now.  You'd get all dolled up and go to the Mall and SHOP.  You'd be mad that any stores were closed and hug people on purpose.  It makes me laugh to even think about it but you would!  You'd be mad that your tattoo artist is not able to do his job and you'd be pissed that people were unable to go out to eat. 

I remember when I bought a lot of toilet paper years ago because it was on sale and you teased me saying, "Mom's storing up for the apocalypse better watch out!"  When all this shortage of TP happened that's the first thing I thought of. 

You would worry about all the people who are out of work and worry that they'll have enough to eat or be able to pay their bills.  That's just who you were.  You were the most unselfish person I knew.  You always helped people.  Did your best to understand and champion the underdog.

I haven't written in a while.  There's been so much going on in and outside of me.  I had a dream about you a few days ago and it was incredible.  One of THOSE dreams.  The ones where you can't discern between reality and the dream itself.  I hugged you so tight, I could feel your boney shoulders and smell your hair and I kept saying how much I missed you and you told me not to cry and that you would never ever leave me.  That whole day I felt happy inside and smiled so big.  I know that if it were me who had to leave you behind I would go to you in any way I could and tell you whatever you needed to hear to comfort you. 

There are moments you take mental pictures of things.  Those are the moments that fill your brain and heart.  I can see you in that dream.  Smiling and laughing and being you.  I'm so grateful for that.  So grateful for my memories and the moments in my dreams so I can add to my comfort arcenal.   Thank you sweetheart for helping your mama and being my baby girl forever.