Glitter

This is the urn Taryn is in.  We had her cremated together with the baby.  This urn isn't available anymore.  I had a friend want to get one a year ago and when I looked it up I found out it's no longer made.  It's hand blown glass and when I saw it I knew that is what Taryn needed to be inside of.  It's one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen and unique.  One of a kind.  Just like her.  When you look at it, it sparkles like glitter.  So did she.  I found this quote the other day that describes my experience with glitter perfectly.  I used to do a lot of crafts and used glitter from time to time.  It was always so hard to get cleaned up and I could never get it all.  Like grief.  It's always there.  In some hidden corner of your life.  Lurking.  That tiny sparkle of truth that never goes away.  

I'll have good days.  Days when I feel happy and even smile.  I'll have bad days when nothing goes right and everything feels wrong.  That used to happen even before I lost her though.   Some of the worst times are the times when I see something I would have told her about or go somewhere she would have loved.  That just means that person is so deeply inside your soul that all your experiences include them even when they're gone.  I experienced that after divorce too.  Just because you don't live with someone anymore doesn't mean you don't share a past.  It takes a while for that to go away even when you want it to.  

I think we always remember someone in a way that makes them perfect and immortal.  Their faults melt away and all that's left is this beautiful glitter that sparkles and sticks to everything.  Maybe that is the kindness that our minds give us.  The remembering of everything good and beautiful.

I like that.