“You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies."
Steve Martin”
I think he's right. I've gotten some of my most profound thoughts from the movies I've watched. Grand Canyon is full of them. I also watched another movie last night that made me stop and think hard. It's called About Time. It's about this family of men who are able to go back in time to change things a little so their lives work out a bit better. The guy in the movie, Tim, ends up falling for this woman and builds a life with her. A close to perfect life. Whenever he messes up really bad he goes back and fixes it. After a while he stops fixing it. He lets the lessons from the problems he has teach him and everyone else.
It wasn't until the end of the movie that I started to cry though. His father dies. He wants to go back and fix it but he can't. Even being able to go back and see him after his father dies becomes impossible because he and his wife have another child and if he goes back and tries to see his father in the past before the baby is born he'll have a different child when he returns to the present. The moment of conception of the baby would change if he does a "do-over" and relives the life following his visit to his father. So he has to really say goodbye to his dad.
I thought of Taryn. What would I do if I could go back and be with her? What event would I choose to go back to? Without a doubt it would be Christian's Wedding. I can't remember a day in my life when I was happier than that one day. All my children were beautiful, healthy, happy and having the time of their lives. That was the best day of my life and she was there. I would feel total bliss watching her dance with her brothers, laugh and be silly and just revel in the joy of being a family together. That whole day was perfect. From start to finish. Everyone looked beautiful, smiled and laughed and had so much fun together. That's when I started to cry. Sob really.
Was it cruel to watch a movie like that? To know that the message of this particular story was to make the most of every day you live? Find the joy in even the hard things and don't wait for a do over, do it right the first time! I love that message. I wanted my kids to watch it. My boys. Christian and Garrison. I wanted to call them both and probably confuse them by saying make it count. Make every moment with your kids count. Don't wait. Don't wait to lose one of them and don't live with any regrets.
At Christian's wedding we did it right. We made every minute count and it showed. Everyone had fun and we didn't want the day to end. We danced and talked and laughed together. It was magical. THAT is my day, my moment. There are other times in my life when I was happy too but when it all comes together for everyone at the same time it's kind of epic.
Steve Martin was right. People make movies about things that matter. There's always that one message, that one line or thought that makes the entire experience make sense and change you somehow. I love that. I love coming away with a little more to add to my soul. One more thing figured out. I should have been a movie producer. I should have been a lot of things. That's actually another movie line from the movie Little Women. Jo says it to the man who is telling her she should have been a man because her opinions are so strong and amazing. She looks at him sweetly and smiles, "I should have been a lot of things". She was actually more than she realized. Fredrick taught her that. To find her voice and speak her truth.
That's the deepest hope of my heart for my children. That they will find their voices and speak their truths. No fear or regrets. I was always so proud of Taryn for that reason. She did that when she spoke. She spoke the truth. Giving my children their voices to speak their truths, is the best I could give them. Doesn't every mother who loves her child want that for them? I hope so.
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