April 16th 2018
It's been a while since I wrote something here. I write a journal to Taryn and put my thoughts to her in that journal all the time. When something happens that upsets me and I get the urge to pick up the phone and call her I sit down at the computer and open the journal and tell her everything I feel. It helps. I stop and listen and sometimes I hear her response to what I'm feeling and writing. She's still everywhere in my world. She's in every day and in every hour. I speak of her with pride and love. She inspires me, makes me stronger and every day I'm alive feels special now because it has to be filled to the brim with gratitude. I'm grateful for things I hardly noticed before she died. Not huge things but just the ability to reason, be kind, do the right thing, smile and laugh, appreciate all the magic and beauty in the world. I love her more every day and although I miss her presence I don't miss her spirit because it's with me every single minute. I want to celebrate holidays and special occasions like Finn's birth and know that she's with me in all of it. I think you find an inner happiness when you reach the point where you let go of the things that will never matter and embrace the things that do. The lessons just keep coming and the teaching is going on all the time. Real strong love knows NO BOUNDS. Not even death. I haven't figured out my monument to her yet. There are so many ideas swimming around in my head but it's coming. I do feel that. Something I can do that will be in her memory and bring her life and her light to more than the people who knew her personally. Not sure what it is yet but I think I'm ready to explore that possibility.
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