The Teacher, the cop, the mermaid and the Nellie Hinkle Convention.

Written Thursday, March 9, 2017  Facebook Notes

Two days after Taryn died I was in this fog.  I could hardly focus my swollen eyes long enough to grab something to blow my nose on.  I remember sitting at my desk and taking little breaths.  I wasn't really sure what was going on around me.  I hear sounds but they were kind of muffled and strange like something was covering my ears.  I focused in on Annie the second I heard her voice and emotionally collapsed.  The way you do when that one person you can be yourself with is suddenly there for you.  I think my broken heart had been waiting for her to completely feel whatever it was I needed to feel to heal.  There is something so real and honest about that wall that comes down when your closest friend who knows you, accepts you and loves you is suddenly there.  You can finally cry.  You can finally feel  it all.  Stop holding your breath.  I don't remember what I said or what she said but I remember that feeling.  Total and utter relief.  Like when you've lost something so important and you finally find it and are so relieved you want to just go back to bed because the stress was unbelievable.  Annie is the magical mermaid in my world.  Everything about her is unique and sparkles.  Taryn called her "Nanny Annie" and she was her second mama.  She took care of me and stayed with me for a month.  She let me stay in bed when I couldn't get up.  she let me cry, laugh and be angry.  Not once did she say she knew how I felt even though I knew she did because she's lost a child too.  I love her so much.  

Shawn came the week after the funeral with her sweet husband John.  They stayed the weekend.  We've been friends since we were 18 and roommates at Ricks College.  Same thing.   That sense of relief when she was here to smile at me, tell me I can do this and how proud she is of me.  Shawn is a special education teacher who teaches children that no one else can reach.  She is that person who can make you feel like you can do anything and do it better than anyone else.  she has a laugh that l ights up my world and we shared tingle showers from Taryn together.  Goose bumps that meant Taryn was near.  Shawn is connected to my jojo and we live parallel lives.  I love her so much.

Debbie came the following week.  She's a retired cop and one of the strongest women I've ever known with a heart of gold.  She's always been there for me.  We went to New York City together four years ago when her son graduated from medical school.  We had the time of our lives.  She pulled me out of my grief.  Made me laugh.  Gave me some  hope that maybe everything was going to be okay.  Debbie taught me not to be afraid, that I was stronger than I thought I was and no matter what happens to us in our lives we can still find joy.  I love her so much.

Rhonda is just a steady presence in my life.  She was the first phone call I made in the middle of the night when Taryn was being rushed to emergency surgery to have Kayan.  Rhonda rushed over to take care of everything so I could go to the hospital and be with my daughter.  She has a key to my front door.  I don't know what I would have done without her.  She is this southern sweet woman with so much down home wisdom.  We just understand each other and always have.  She'll say to me "I love you mor'dn my luggage" a quote from Steel Magnolias.  We're Clairee and Weizer from that movie.  God love her for the Nellie Hinkle Conventions (girlie talks) that straightened out so much confusion for me.  We're two peas in a pod and it feels l ike I've known her since I was a baby girl.  She speaks to my heart in ways that only she can.  I love her so much.

Most people are blessed to have one kindred spirit in their lives.  I have four.  The thing is, Taryn love them all too.  Just like I do.  How could I ever not realize how blessed I am to have these special women in my life?  How watched over and protected I am by my angels on earth and my one in heaven?

Mary Anne Norris, Shawn Gilmur Kilpatrick, Debbie Bickmore Senn and Rhonda Kamman Hendrickson  I love you so much.

Thank you.